Shining your light: Breaking the pattern of learned helplessness.

What are your goals for 2020? Perhaps it’s buying a house, losing weight, getting your dream job,  or planning an overseas trip. How do you feel when you think about those things? Excited? Do you have a plan in place to get you where you want to be?

What if you could be a better version of yourself, one that would be able to achieve those goals faster and more efficiently because you are performing at your absolute best? You are focused, positive, creative, versatile. You’re sleeping well, exercising regularly, feeling great and best of all, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you feel a great sense of satisfaction, completely comfortable in your own skin,  proud of what you’ve achieved and where you’re going. Sounds pretty good right?

Sadly, far too many of us will never get to experience these feelings. Our bodies and minds have become a shadow of what they should be, loaded up with nutritional deficiencies, toxins, negative emotions, depression, anxiety, despairing of ever feeling like we belong. Can this cycle be broken?

…a lot of the mental health burden exists because we’re told from an early age that no one is special, that being confident is in fact arrogance, that being ‘different’ paints a target on your back.

Finding your way forward  when it’s been backward for so long is difficult. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, or was it an illusion? There are the good days, the bad days and then the really bad days. The rollercoaster of hope and despair takes you to places you thought you’d never go. Sometimes the rollercoaster disappears and you’re left completely in the dark. Then the anxiety hits and you’re anxious about being depressed and depressed about being anxious. Your sleep is bad, but you can’t wait for your days to end. Things that used to interest you don’t interest you any more. You feel isolated, alone and afraid.  Your mind tells you things that aren’t real, but you don’t know that because you’re down in it. Nobody seems to understand where you’re at, and they avoid you anyway.

What if you could find a way off the rollercoaster? What if you could find a way out of that dark place? And what if it didn’t require you to change who you are or take medication? What if you could break through the barriers and find your way back to you? Those bad habits that you’ve adopted to help you cope, let’s break them. Those negative thoughts that seem to run your life, let’s stop them. Rediscover your hopes and dreams, your passion, your drive and embrace your uniqueness in what is a very ‘vanilla’ world. For years I’ve watched my clients dispel their talents and ignore their dreams because they didn’t think it was possible to pursue them. I’ve done the same thing myself. I believe that a lot of the mental health burden exists because we’re told from an early age that no one is special, that being confident is in fact arrogance, that being ‘different’ paints a target on your back.

Maybe instead of asking our children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, we should be asking them, “How do you want to feel?”. I would imagine that their answer would be something like happy, or brave, strong or kind. Perhaps then, our career paths should stem from there, rather than from the standpoint of economics. A very utopian vision, I know, but somewhere along the line line of human evolution, we’ve lost our way – with devastating consequences.

Society rewards subservience and punishes those who choose to step out and speak their truth. But at what cost? Being repeatedly told that we can’t do what we want or being forced into a career merely because it pays well kills our joy, our youthful enthusiasm and our lust for life. The human mind is a powerful thing, but it’s easily broken. So maybe the pandemic of depression and anxiety is not because we’re not making enough serotonin, or because we’re vitamin D deficient. Maybe it’s because generations of us have become accustomed to learned helplessness. Constantly banging our heads against brick walls – longing to let our light shine into the world, but always told no, you can’t share that here. Our desire to fit in and go along with what’s socially acceptable overrides our need to express ourselves.

For the last few years, I’ve been trying to put together an online course to help more people reconnect with themselves, and in the process, give them the confidence to go out and pursue what really lights them up. It’s been frustrating because I’m working on my own limiting beliefs at the same time. Thoughts like, “Who are you to think you could help anyone?”, and “You don’t have the knowledge to be dabbling in this”. But the truth is, I’m a naturopath that has, since the age of 14, dealt with depression, anxiety, family trauma… and managed to fight my way out of it. I broke out of the confines of the little box that the world would have me stay in, and worked hard to fulfil my dreams. Now I specialise in treating anxiety and depression and I’m good at it. I have a lifetime of experience and even though what I have to share may not be for everyone, if it gives just one person the confidence to go on and get back the life they were born to live, then I have succeeded.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay


One Reply to “Shining your light: Breaking the pattern of learned helplessness.”

  1. Never lose hope – you can achieve everything you want. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, just look forward with hope and not backward with regret ❤ sending you best healing vibes


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